Indoctrinated

Hello again, faithful readers and newcomers alike, I hope you’ve all been well. It’s been a month since my last post but I hope it gave you enough to chew on until now. I certainly hope you’ve at least thought about checking out Ready Player One. If not, well you’ll be kicking yourself when the movie comes out in the next few years, and I will say I told you so. But let’s leave paper and binding aside for now (although I just started reading Stephen King’s newest novel The Wind Through the Keyhole and I must say the Dark Tower has me tight in its magnetic field once again). Let’s ride a mass effect relay into the far reaches of the imagination, where ruthless, single-minded alien robots called Reapers are attempting to wipe out all life and one Commander Shepard has more than a few vital choices to make…

I should warn you before you read further that this article will contain light SPOILERS on Mass Effect 3′s story. Go finish the game first and then come back to this if you haven’t already. You’ll get more out of it, I promise.

Today I’ll be providing you with my  thoughts on one of the biggest blockbuster video games of the year and a subject of much controversy (dare I say scandal): Mass Effect 3. First, let me explain my relatively uncommon perspective with this game and the Mass Effect franchise. I’ve never had a chance to play Mass Effect 1. I was a PS3 owner until this year and my computer is woefully unequipped for the job. When Mass Effect 2 released on PS3 last year I was beyond psyched. The hype for the game was enormous, all my podcast buddies heralded it as one of the best games ever, and I was ready for the game to knock me flat. What I got was more disappointment than I’ve felt from almost any game. Maybe my mental bar was just set much too high, maybe the PS3 load times got to me, maybe I wasn’t in the right state of mind, but after 10-15 hours I let the game go and never looked back.

Flash forward to this year. Mass Effect 3 seemed to meet the expectations of the majority of fans right out of the gate and easily exceed them. Many claimed it was even better than 2. I began to feel hopeful. Then anger for the ending spread like STDs would if Planned Parenthood suddenly closed their doors and culminated in a metaphorical rash gamers like myself are still trying to scrub themselves clean of. Thousands of overly-entitled, selfish, though well-meaning gamers signed a petition for Bioware to change Mass Effect 3′s ending. This didn’t dim my enthusiasm for the game, however. I was disappointed again, but in a section of the community rather than the game itself. Endings are never what I consume media for and they are notoriously terrible (at the very least, too short) in video games. Besides, I actually liked the demo (minus the manipulative child death, which in the end turned out to be even more manipulative). If all else failed I could still enjoy the multiplayer.

The positive energy around the game stuck with me and two weeks ago Mass Effect 3 arrived in my mailbox via GameFly. I popped it in my 360 with high hopes but few expectations (and no Prothean DLC). I loved it. The pacing was just right. My actions had meaningful consequences. I felt empowered (maybe a bit too much but it was an improvement over the powerlessness I felt in 2). I laughed (as a hungover Ashley begged me not to order Joker to sing over the intercom), I cried (as Tali sailed over the edge of a cliff when I refused to stop the Geth from destroying her fleet), and I loved Traynor as she loved me, from board game/shower lust to white-picket-fence musings. I was willing to overlook the many shortcomings, a privilege I could not afford ME2.

Sure, I still occasionally felt the fatigue and boredom of babysitting my team, making near-mandatory loading screen pause-trips to and from the Normandy and Citadel after every mission. But most of the time, I was doing those things for narrative reasons, not just for masturbatory satisfaction. Sure, there was some bullshit, like the busy-work, plot-dump ordeal inside the Consensus and the nightmare sequences. But the stories told inside that virtual reality and dream state were necessary, and they weren’t told through a text box or dialogue encounter. I never really felt compelled to explore the long, unfriendly list of sidequests I accrued, most of the time involuntarily. But that allowed me to make my playthrough quick and fairly linear, just like I wanted. The combat is still lacking, but it’s addictive, fun, and heightened by the much-improved level design and character level-up system ( and the multiplayer is worth several dozen hours of devotion if you have a well-trained, regular team of friends to call upon).

And, yes, I do think the ending is a  horrendous, undermining, disappointing, disheveled, mucked, slap-in-the-face to hard-core Mass Effect lovers. But, as I said before, video game endings have always been bad, and I wasn’t expecting anything more from ME3. Hoping, but not expecting. The ending does bring the story to a succinct close, and that’s really all it needed to do for me. I hope it will be heavily edited by the as-yet-unreleased DLC, but I don’t feel it’s a step Bioware needs to take. And it’s definitely not worthy of a petition when there are infinitely more important things to be furious about, like the fact that most critics of other mediums and the majority of the population in general still do not take the immense story-telling power and potential of video games seriously.

For that wish to be fulfilled, Bioware, even being renowned as the story-telling heavy-weight of video games as they are, needs to step up their game by several notches (or biotic enhancements if you like). But these things take time, and as far as baby-steps go, Mass Effect 3 is a successful stumble well above the average, timid shuffle. It’s a game summarized best as much greater than the sum of its parts. Fundamentally flawed and ambitious, entertaining and bittersweet, Mass Effect 3 has a huge, synthetic heart. And I hope you’ll come to adore it as I have.

Shepard out.

Well there you have it, folks; a sample of my thoughts on Mass Effect 3. Have a question or comment? Feel free to leave it and a rating below or shoot me a message any way you like.

What’s next for GAMH, you ask? I have a few things planned, but I’ll only tell you about one of them today. Next week, my brother and I are sitting down to discuss our favorite movies of all time and recording it for your listening pleasure. This, I hope, will be a much higher quality podcast than my previous work, complete with editing, sound clips taken straight from the movies, prerecorded music and more. As such, it will take me a lot more time to bring you the final product. But, again, I hope, it will be a far better aural experience. Please be patient. As always, faithful readers, I hope to see you then. Until next time.

Grue’s Top 5 Scariest Fictional Spiders

Dedicated to: Grayfox, TheDarkAlbino, and anyone else who hates spiders

Hello, world!

Bet you thought I was done, huh? Well, so did I for a little while there. Truth be told, the avalanche of games that has released this fall has left me staggered, in true Elder Scrolls fashion (if you want to know a little about what I’ve been doing, check out my Let’s Play of Morrowind, currently in progress, on my YouTube channel). Also, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want this blog to be. As I said when I started this blog, this blog is not supposed to be only about video games, but rather about media as a whole. Put another way, I’m using GamesRadar and Laser Time as a model more than I am GameSpot or Kotaku. Honestly, I’m not much of a review guy. I always check out at least one review before I buy a game, but opinions are so subjective that I rarely know how I’ll feel about a game based on a written/video review, let alone a score. Plus, reviews take up a lot of time, (my Deus Ex review was a giant undertaking) time that I’d rather spend playing a game or writing something more entertaining, which leads me to today’s topic: my top 5 scariest fictional spiders of all time.

Why so many caveats? Well, if we were talking about real as well as imaginary spiders, this would have to be a much longer list. And if we included spiders that weren’t scary, Charlotte from E. B. White’s Charlotte’s Web would be so far ahead of the competition that any others wouldn’t be worth talking about. As a final condition, I won’t be including any spider/human hybrids, or any other kind of spider hybrids for that matter. If I were, Man-Spider from the 90s Spiderman cartoon would take the cake. Spiders that happen to be robots are allowed, however. You’ll see why…and, no, it’s not that stupid spider transformer from Beast Wars.

But why talk about spiders now, when the world is brimming with holiday cheer and people are emptying their bank accounts? Well, you may be surprised to learn that I’m not a fan of the holiday season. Sure, I get excited about seeing old friends and family and receiving gifts as much as anyone, but I’d prefer people were happy and generous throughout the year. The holidays seem to be an excuse for everyone to be less-than-jolly the rest of the time. But let’s cut this musing short: join me in some good holiday backlash and keep the awesomeness that is Halloween alive. Let’s dive right in, shall we?

SPOILER ALERT!!!

In order from least scary to the most mindbending, horrific, vicious, destructive wallcrawler ever:

Two honorable mentions from my youth:

Queen Gohma from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

This game is not for kids

She may not look like much or even pose a threat to experienced OoT players, but the first time you see Gohma’s solitary eye staring at you from across her vast cavern lair…well, let’s just say Link might have to change his tunic after this fight. As if she weren’t creepy enough by herself, Gohma will lay eggs periodically during the battle which will hatch into spiderlings which will make an even harder time for Link. Furthermore, this mama killed the mother-f***ing Great Deku Tree, the magical guardian of the entire Kokiri Forest. I say, don’t be ashamed if your three measly hearts get taken away over and over again by this royal pain-in-the-ass arachnid.

Next up, it’s: Metroid Prime, first form from…you guessed it, Metroid Prime

One of the best final boss fights ever and a two-stager to boot

The ultimate combination of pure Phazon and pure evil, Metroid Prime provided the perfect capstone to an amazing game. And it scared the shit out of you. When this behemoth comes barreling towards Samus at mach speed in this tiny cave (are all spider boss fights in caves?), not even your morph ball ability will save you. MP can bring down even the most savvy Samuses if the player doesn’t spend some extra time during the game finding hidden upgrades and power-ups. Like its smaller brethren (the colored metroids near the end of the game) Metroid Prime won’t take any damage unless you employ the correct weapon at the correct time. If MP changes colors and catches you off guard, it will laugh off your attacks like they were nothing. Even if you manage to bring it down, MP has a final trick up its several proverbial sleeves. Metroid Prime’s second form is a giant, blue, transparent, flying octopus monster from hell. The phazon beam makes short work of it, though. The first form will always be the more memorable and the more terrifying of the two.

those eyes...can't. stop. staring.

What could possibly be more scary and more impressive than the above two contenders? I’m glad you asked. May I present the main event:

#5 The Fully Mobile Robotic Spider Fortress of Doom from Wild Wild West

(At first I thought of including the fortress from God Hand in this spot as well, but it turns out that thing is actually called the Kilo Crab! Sadly, there are no crabs allowed here. I couldn’t resist an opportunity to mention God Hand anyway, though, so go play it on the PSN now.)

What does Loveless have? He has an 80-foot tarantula...

How do you make a giant spider more scary? Make it enormous; add thugs, rocket launchers, and flamethrowers to taste; and throw in a pinch of evil genius mastermind. Bring to a boil and serve. Just when you thought Artemus Gordon and Captain James West couldn’t get into any worse trouble, this 1999 Barry Sonnenfeld film pulls out all the stops and delivers a shock. While most people probably don’t think this is a good movie (a 4.4 out of 10 on IMDb, really?), my ten-year-old self thinks it has a lot of charm, and nothing excites a boy more than a giant robot. Heck, it still excites me more than most things. I can’t conceive how Loveless expected to take over the entire country with only one giant spider that Will Smith and Kevin Cline take down surprisingly easily by themselves, but one thing’s for sure: it would be a hell of a time driving that thing down Wall Street. And the scariest thing ever to see it lolloping over the horizon towards your small, fragile midwestern town from your bedside window. Moving on…

#4: Chaos Witch Quelaag from Dark Souls

ummm...I think I'll go hold myself and cry next to the Firelink Shrine now...

Okay. You’ve killed the cheapass Capra Demon, SOMEHOW. You’ve bested the stupid, trap-laden sewers with those godawful curse-spewing frogs and defeated the vagina dragon by the skin of your teeth. THEN you wander into the worst place you’ve encountered so far: Blighttown, a swamp inhabited by a hoard of monsters Lovecraft would be proud to invite to a dinner party. Only Lost Izalith can boast a higher level of frustration and torture in this game. Ogres, giant mosquitoes, giant leeches, hell-hounds, angry natives, more bugs (and glitches), terrible framerate, cheap invaders from other worlds, and a poison landscape all stand between you and one mother of a monster. When you finally do climb up the large hill and enter her cave lair (another cave…) seemingly made almost entirely of spider silk, you are welcomed by the guardian of Hell herself: Quelaag. Now I know I said no spider/human hybrids….buuut we’re going to give Quelaag a pass since she’s mostly spider and only a little bit human. I mean, we all know the lady parts were only added so the trailer could have a little nudity anyway.

Make no mistake, though; this bitch it out for blood. Her flaming Fury Sword makes sweeping arcs as she skitters across the battlefield, spitting lava on the floor that does not exactly agree with would-be adventurers, be they in human or zombie form. Try not to shiver when you see this monstrosity charge at your face. Dark Souls does cheap scares better than most games, and Quelaag is one of the best examples of this. If you do defeat her and use her soul, you are rewarded with her badass, curved sword, one of the best weapons in the game. Tell me that isn’t awesome. Also, if you agree to enter her mute sister’s covenant, you get to have an egg for a head for the entirety of your employment…which is just plain weird.

And that's no yolk

#3: Aragog from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Go? I think not. My sons and daughters do not harm Hagrid on my command, but I cannot deny them fresh meat when it wanders so willingly into our midst. Goodbye, friends of Hagrid.

Regular spiders may flee from a basilisk, but one wonders how a fight between an ancient leader of a hoard of eight-legged freaks and one solitary giant snake might conclude. I rarely got scared reading the Harry Potter books, but Aragog, a basilisk, and a serial killer make Chamber of Secrets one of the darkest books in the series. And this is supposed to be for children? He may be blind, but Aragog has survived longer than any other spider in the Forbidden Forest, possibly any other creature therein. And ya, he lives in the freaking Forbidden Forest, the place where Voldemort himself had his midlife/middeath-crisis vacation. And this guy doesn’t give a shit about anyone but him and his own. He spares Hagrid on principle, but not even Hagrid’s closest friends are off-limits. Which brings up another point: an entire army of spiders are so afraid of this guy that they won’t even try to eat Hagrid. Now that’s real power, power even Voldemort would be jealous of. If not for sheer dumb luck and Arthur’s magical-deus-ex-machina-car to the rescue, the Boy Who Lived would have been the Boy Who Tried A Little But Ultimately Couldn’t Face the Horrors of the World and Who Could Blame Him. Yes, Ron, you can panic now.

#2: Shelob from The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

let's see...a giant venomous spider...versus a midgit with a toothpick and a flashlight...

One could argue that Frodo came closest to dying during his encounter with Shelob. And, for all intents and purposes, he should have been dead. REALLY dead. Frodo is almost at the end of his rope at this point. He’s gone mad with the power of the ring. He doesn’t trust Sam. He doesn’t even HAVE Sam around. Gollum leads him into the trap so easily Aragorn would have slapped Frodo silly had he known, and yet, somehow, Frodo lives. I guess it’s all well and good that the world got saved and the armies of Mordor were vanquished and all that, but Shelob got completely robbed.

If you didn’t jump in your theater seat the first time you saw her stinger slide down behind Frodo in the movie, you have a spine of lead. If Sam hadn’t come along and had the necessary tools, Frodo would have been a delicious spider-Slurpee long before anyone knew Sauron had already won. Elderly, evil, and enthusiastic about taking her time, Shelob is a classy, classy villain. Frodo better just thank his lucky stars that she saves her food for later. If you don’t think Shelob deserves to be on this list, just read Tolkien’s masterful description from the book:

And as for Sauron: he knew where she lurked. It pleased him that she should dwell there hungry but unabated in malice, a more sure watch upon that ancient path into his land than any other that his skill could have devised. And Orcs, they were useful slaves, but he had them in plenty. If now and again Shelob caught them to stay her appetite, she was welcome: he could spare them.  And sometimes as a man may cast a dainty to his cat (his cat he calls her,  but he owns her not) Sauron would send her prisoners that he had no better uses for: he would have them driven to her hole, and report brought back to him of the play she made.

#1: IT

Maybe the movie from 1990 didn’t have the budget or the technology to make IT in its final revealed form as scary as it should have been, but no one can deny the terror this book induces in all who read it. And Tim Curry was still extremely scary. Again, I guess you could argue this is a hybrid of sorts, but gimme a break; IT just plain rules at scary. I mean, I’ll ask again, what’s worse than a giant spider? How about a giant, alien, supernatural god-spider that masquerades as children’s worst nightmares, most notably a psychotic killer clown, and awakens from its slumber deep beneath the sewers of Derry, Maine to feed on children every 27 years before slipping back into hibernation and starting the whole cycle over again. I mean, this book/movie ruined red balloons for me, which only goes to show how great a storyteller Stephen King is. In the end, the protagonists do defeat the creature, but it takes them half their lives to put a stop to something that terrorized them when they were children. Talk about repressed issues. For god’s sake, the book opens with one of the protagonists committing suicide in his bathtub because he knows that IT has come back! If something can make you so scared that you’d rather be dead than face it just by the sound of its voice, then keep me the hell away! The best part about IT is that it’s a true Lovecraftian horror; an otherwordly, intelligent monster we can never understand who creates madness, death and chaos wherever it chooses to call home. In the end, that’s really what being a spider is all about, and that’s why IT is the best fictional scary spider.

Well, that’s it folks! I certainly hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. Spiders are some of my favorite creatures, and I look forward to them popping up in books, movies, and games for decades to come. I’m even considering owning a tarantula some day, but until I find an apartment that allows pets I’ll just have to admire them from a safe distance. ;)

Hello, I'm a non-fictional spider!

Did you like my article? Hate it? Did I forget your favorite spider? Let me know by leaving me a comment and/or a rating below!

Grue Cast Ep.3

After a short hiatus, the show is back and better than ever! This time, I’m talking about Dark Souls, Call of Duty, They Might Be Giants, Trombone Shorty, Halloween shenanigans, and lots, lots more. Enjoy! (You may want to turn up your volume during the musical improv segments at the beginning and end of the show)

http://yourlisten.com/channel/content/106865/Grue%20Cast%203

Grue Cast Ep.2

Episode 2 is out for your listening pleasure! This week I’ve added musical interludes performed by yours truly and considerably more nerdy material. Leave a rating and a comment to let me know what you think! Enjoy :)

http://yourlisten.com/channel/content/104246/Grue%20Cast%202

Deus Ex: Human Revolution: ReGrue and Grumpy, Old-Man Complaining

Welcome to my first review of a modern game!

I just finished Deus Ex: Human Revolution, and I have a LOT to say about it. But before that, I’d like to explain the title of the article. It’s a little experiment I’d like to try, and I hope you’ll indulge me.

WARNING: The proceeding material may sound highly cranky to some readers. Deal with it.

Instead of being a regular review you can find on any big game site, this review and future ones on my blog are going to be a little different. I feel that modern reviews don’t take into account past games nearly enough. In most cases, I feel modern games get a little too much credit, and it wouldn’t hurt for us to hold them to a higher standard considering some of the greatness that has come before. Since most big games nowadays release at a whopping $60, considerably more than most modern media, I feel it is imperative to know exactly which games are going to be well-received by which audiences. For you, it shouldn’t be a noticeable stylistic change. You may not even notice it at all. But it is an attitude that I intend to approach every game I review with, and you should keep it in the back of your mind as you’re reading. Hopefully, this different lens of perspective will provide you with a fresh, unique way of reviewing games, as well as furthering the art of game criticism.

As you can see, I’m christening this approach the ReGrue (get it?), after the namesake of this blog.  Some of you may think I’m somewhat of a grognard for bringing this up, but that’s fine with me. In fact, I hope this will encourage more discussions on the quality of games and eventually tip off some studios that they can’t release broken games, fix them with patches a month or two later, and think it’s okay.

Phew. Okay. No more ranting. Let’s get on to a game that isn’t broken (much):

 

Overview

You don’t really need an overview, do you? If you’re looking for a review, you probably know what the game is about. If you don’t, I direct you to Wikipedia or the plethora of fine gaming sites out there. The main purpose of my reviews, since you’ve likely read one or two of the game in question already, is to provide you with my opinions. So, instead of giving you a traditional overview, I’m going to tell you how I played the game. We’ll call this…

The Reviewer Lens

I’ll use this section to let you know how I played a particular game and what you can expect from that kind of play. I’ll also let you know which difficulty I played the game on and which platform. Also, I’d like to say that I’ll try not to spoil anything, but no one’s perfect, right?

This is particularly important in the case of DXHR, a game which boasts about multiple styles and ways of play. I chose the hardest difficulty or “Give Me Deus Ex” (I didn’t pay $70 for the Augmented Edition for them NOT to give me Deus Ex). To my chagrin, I played DXHR on PS3, since I don’t yet have a killer gaming PC. If you have one, though, definitely get the PC version. It’s cheaper, it’s on Steam, it looks better, and the controls are so much more intuitive, as is usually the case on the PC.

I’m a huge fan of stealth gameplay. Ever since I first witnessed Metal Gear Solid 2, sneaking around, taking out guys silently, and looting their bodies has always appealed to me. One of my favorite franchises is the Thief series, in which stealth is essential (I’m especially happy that DXHR has come out finally so that Eidos can get around to releasing Thief 4, which is, indeed, in development, though Eidos hasn’t done much with the website yet). But let’s talk about stealth in Deus Ex.

maybe the most intense stealth experience ever

Since I like stealth so much, I chose many stealth-oriented augmentations for Adam. Cloak was my first choice (I love invisibility). I also picked up a radar augment, the ability to see though walls, the Icarus landing system to ensure I stopped dying every time I wanted to take a shortcut, a bunch of battery upgrades, lots of hacking augments, quiet footsteps, faster running, and one ability that doesn’t really fit with the others; the ability to punch through walls. Now, that last one doesn’t have anything to do with stealth – in fact it nearly got me killed during one section of the game. But it’s SUCH a cool ability that I just couldn’t say no. Destructible environments are always fun, especially since so many video games are built to keep you out of so many areas. When you crash through a concrete wall, grab the guy on the other side, and smash his head on the wall, you feel like a badass, and you feel like you’ve just outsmarted the game to boot. This is an illusion, of course; the smashable walls are just one more designer-implemented facet of the game. But it’s the illusion that’s important, not the reality.

I'll disillusion YOUR reality!

These choices greatly influenced my experience with the game, and not always in a positive way. But we’ll get to that in a bit. Just know that, as we go on, this is how the game was for me.

Graphics and Art Style

DXHR in a nut sh-, errr, orange rind?

I’ve got mixed feelings about this category. The game is orange. I like orange, but, after a while, I was really getting sick of it. I found myself staring at Adam’s colorfully designed novelty cereal boxes for minutes just to break up the monotony (and because they’re colorful novelty cereal boxes). There isn’t enough to break up the orange the majority of the time, although it does get the futuristic feel across nicely.

Another complaint I have is that the game is a bit too dark. On the documentary included in the Augmented Edition, a developer says that they weren’t going to have DXHR be in perpetual night like the first Deus Ex game was. Well, that’s a nice sentiment, but I really couldn’t tell the time of day throughout the game, except for maybe at the end. I wish they’d done a bit more work on how the sky looked in the cities, but that’s a minor complaint.

Ooooo, SHINY

The part where DXHR shines is literally in the shiny stuff. Weapons and armor look awesome, buildings look terrific and believable (city backgrounds are particularly impressive) , and the limb augments are about as realistic as you can get.

Unfortunately, the game drops the ball when it comes to the models. They’re not bad; they’re just not as good as they could have been. Everyone looks a bit like a plastic doll. Facial animations are better than a lot of games, but they’re far from the quality of games like God of War 3. This lack of detail really didn’t bother me, though. Graphics should never be the game-selling aspect.

Sound, Music, and Voice

I had some real problems in this area. I’ve heard many people on the net rave about the brilliant, atmospheric, techno soundtrack for this game. I’m here to call bullshit. Most of the time, there isn’t any music at all, and when it does start playing, it’s usually just the same simple tune repeated over and over. This was fine once or twice, but a 25-40 hour game needs to have good music and lots of it. The best use of sound in the game was at the end when the game becomes totally different. I won’t spoil what the difference is, but let’s just say there’s a definite change in genres.

The rest of the sounds in the game are decent. Bullets sound like bullets. Rockets are rockets. I particularly liked the sound of the suppressed weapons. The sound of footsteps is imperative in stealth games, and I think it does its job in DXHR.

The voice-acting was actually a lot better than I had expected. Some of the dialogue is a little hammy, but it’s delivered well for the most part. Just don’t expect a lot out of the NPCs. Anyone who isn’t a main character or a side character only has two things to tell you, and most of the time they’re not important. One very nice touch, though, is that sometimes you’ll overhear random city folk talking about shortcuts into areas you want to get to. These hints helped me a lot and I appreciated the subtle clues.

I’ve heard a lot of complaints about Adam Jensen’s voice, but it didn’t bother me. Maybe his vocal cords took a beating when he got thrown through that window and beaten to a pulp, huh guys? Overall, you’ll want to listen to the different accents and voices throughout the game. The voice of Adam’s boss is particularly good.

I don’t like the sound Adam makes when he dies. I hate how he just keels over quickly and unnaturally in the first place, but his unbelievable “ugh” sound is laughable. I died a lot in this game, and I wish Adam’s death was treated with a little more ceremony. What happened to the good old days when Mario threw up his hands and you got a special little music sample?

Finally, the dialogue of enemies gets old fast, especially if you’re a bit too impatient and set off a lot of alarms (like me). Unless two bad guys have some scripted dialogue pertaining to the story to discuss, they’ll just comment on what they hear the same way over and over. They do have a larger repertoire than the average video game thug, though. I liked how they would respond when they saw their unconscious friends stacked in a corner and shout about how they thought their allies were still alive.

User Interface and Controls

Overall, the presentation is good. The main menu is nothing to write home about, but it gets the job done. I appreciated some options and couldn’t understand why some were left out. The ability to turn off the highlighted items is much appreciated and makes the game feel more realistic. I didn’t have that feature turned on at all in my play through, and, though I’m sure I missed more than I would have, I had fun searching for objects. Unfortunately, the highlighting comes back on when you look through walls. I guess I understand the thinking behind that design choice, but I wish that only enemies were visible. You will have the option to change the difficulty along your journey, which is always nice, though I was loathe to do it since I wanted the extra trophy.

Praxis is like crack for Adam. He just can't get enough of it.

Oh, and another thing. Why, oh why, can’t I change the controls!? I really hate pressing R3 instead of L to aim. I got used to it after a few hours, but it never feels like the optimal way to handle things. On top of that, the X and Y axes don’t have a wide range. Even after I turned the sliders all the way up, it still felt like Adam was a bit drunk. Worse, the Y axis feels more sensitive than the X axis. I don’t know how this problem was overlooked in testing, but I’m not a developer so I’m sure it just got lost in the rush.

The HUD is nice and crisp and provides all the information you need. The game even explains its existence via Adam’s eye augments, also known as black sunglasses that pop out of the sides of his temples. The menu is equally intuitive, though a bit clunky to get around with a game pad. I don’t really fault the game for this. There’s only so much you can do without a mouse or hot keys. Try to play the N64 version of StarCraft and you’ll see what I mean.

*shudders*

Gameplay

If none of the above sounds interesting to you, then I’m sorry, but none of it is really what Deus Ex: Human Revolution is about. I overlooked everything wrong about the game, because the gameplay itself is so damn good. I loved exploring each vast, varied locale, pouring over emails, performing take-downs, persuading people to my way of thinking, and augmenting myself and upgrading my weapons until I was practically unstoppable. I poured every weapon upgrade I could into my little pistol, and by the end it was silenced, had a laser sight, and was strong enough to take down all but the toughest guards and bosses. I was like a ninja, leaping across rooftops, falling from the tallest heights only to land unscathed, and stealing everything I could without a solitary soul knowing I was there.

Or, at least, that’s what I was going for. As I said before, I played the game on the hardest difficulty and never changed it; thus the game thoroughly kicked my butt. There were some situations in which I couldn’t fathom how I was supposed to stealth my way through with so many guards, cameras, and killbots all situated in the same tight area. It may be hard to believe, but sometimes it feels like the designers didn’t put in enough vents. The most frustrating part about dying a lot was the load times. Adam is as fragile as a glass doll and goes down if an enemy so much as breathes on him, so I found myself sitting through a lot of loading screens, which, on the PS3, take about 20 seconds or so almost every time. I’ve heard that if you install the game to your hard drive, however, this problem is significantly abetted. That isn’t really an excuse, though; people shouldn’t have to give up hard drive space for a game they may only play through a couple times.

I could have dealt with dying out in the field, though. That would at least have felt realistic and fair. The one part of Deus Ex I absolutely could not stand is the boss battles. First of all, there’s no reason at all for them to exist. I’m all for having big, confrontational scenes with main villains, but they hardly need to be in arena-sized rooms with obvious gimmicks and overpowered enemies. If Adam is so fragile then why aren’t the bosses? What special powers do they possess? If Adam takes a shotgun blast to the face, he will almost certainly be dead. The first boss, on the other hand, will just laugh at you and blow you to smithereens via a rain of grenades that magically home in on your location. Why doesn’t Adam get the chance to talk the villains down? He has the ability to get a social augmentation, so why not give him more chances to use it? Adam seems sentimental enough with most people, so why doesn’t he have any qualms about killing other trained, augmented veterans?

This guy will put you down and make you stay down. Quick saving will quickly become your favorite "augment" on Hard.

The fact is that, on the hardest difficulty, the boss battles are a grueling, boring, nightmare. There are some nice set pieces, and the bosses themselves are interesting as characters, but I was forced into a game-breaking strategy that took me out of the game completely. Every time I did a little bit of damage I had to quicksave, lest I die and have to start the ordeal all over. This, at least, made the bosses beatable, but it didn’t make them fun in the least. I would have much rather appreciated simply running into the bosses in the field with a whole host of armed guards and been given several options on how I wanted to advance. For one reason or another, though, Eidos Montreal seems to have succumbed to traditional video game conventions and attempted to cater to the masses. Ironically, they seem to have alienated a large portion of their fan base on this point. Let’s just hope they learn from this and leave boss battles out of Thief.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T PUT BOSS BATTLES IN THIEF 4, EIDOS!!!!

This is how boss battles in Deus Ex: Human Revolution feel

….ahem…

Excuse me, I got a little emotional there. Let’s move on. The rest of the game is great. Going full stealth or full combat is probably a little too difficult, but the middle-of-the-road approach should feel just fine for everyone. I would suggest playing on Normal if you’re not interested in trophies, though; I think the immersion will come easier that way.

One last point: the game is not without glitches. They are rare, but on one specific occasion a glitch prevented me from completing a side quest for the rest of the game. I wasn’t heartbroken, but I was a little peeved that I did a bunch of work and was not able to get the tangible reward because of bad coding. I’ve seen other instances of models clipping through walls or bending in ways contortionists would be jealous of, but those kinds of glitches seem few and far between.

Story and Artistic Relevance

This would be another one of those times where I get on my...

I want to give a little preface to this section, because it may seem odd to be talking about these topics in a video game review. The fact of the matter is big developers are treating games like blockbuster hit films, and they should be criticized as such as well as games. There’s no other way publishers will learn that games ARE NOT MOVIES. No matter how good the technology is, interactive fiction is not the same as regular fiction, and the technology isn’t nearly there yet anyway! Neither is the writing. Neither is the gameplay. They may never learn, but eventually game designers will realize that the art of the game is in the game itself. This may seem obvious, but many designers have been distorting games for years, trying to make them something they most definitely are not in order to appeal to a wider audience. The secret is that it’s not working. Nintendo, for all their faults, and select few others seem to be the only ones who get this. People don’t buy games for story, especially people who don’t play games regularly. A good story is nice, but if the gameplay isn’t there, then the game might as well be a dime-store, paperback novel.

All right, let’s really dig in.

In the end, Deus Ex, like Icarus, flies a little too close to the sun...you should still play it

Deus Ex: Human Revolution, as a modern, cyberpunk, conspiracy story is okay. It’s not great, it’s not terrible, it’s just okay. To be honest, though, I really didn’t care about Jensen, Sarif, Megan, Pritchard, or any of the rest of the characters. Thankfully, the game never beats you over the head with the narrative. Instead, the narrative is all around you, in newspapers, TV shows, and emails, and you can delve into it as much or as little as you’d like. The core story, though, is not that impressive, because the central conflict is not really a conflict, at least, not for anyone I know. Does augmenting yourself make you lose some of your humanity? What kind of a question is that? Absolutely not! People have run around with fake limbs, organs, and a whole lot else for a long, long time, and no intelligent person has ever thought their souls are less pure because of it. I give kudos to Eidos for attempting to inject a real story with real moral values at stake into their game, but I think they just picked the wrong subject matter. That said, DXHR is one of the best examples we have of games as relevant art at the moment, and hopefully it will make some stubborn critics of other mediums sit up and pay attention. I firmly believe that games have the potential to be the ultimate art form, in ways we can’t yet imagine; they’re just not there yet. We don’t yet have a Shakespeare or a Citizen Kane, but we may be getting close to a Beowulf. That’s good enough for now.

Points for Being Augmented

Ah, my friends, we’ve reached the end. Thank you so much if you’ve read the entire review; I know this is a bit longer than you’re probably used to, especially from me (over 3000 words!). Here’s the bottom line: I loved Deus Ex: Human Revolution. I don’t care who you are; if you like deep, compelling, thoughtful gameplay, then this game is a must-play. It’s far from perfect, but the good so far outweighs the bad that I predict this game will show up high on many people’s game-of-the-year lists. Most importantly, I think people will look back fondly on Deus Ex: Human Revolution and maybe even come back for more just when they think they’ve had enough. If I had to put a score on it, I’d probably give the game a 90 on a good day and a 70 on a bad one, so, for the sake of finality, here’s my ultimate verdict:

85/100.

I like to be an optimist ;)

Scores aren’t what matter, anyway; what matters is how a game affects you and what decisions you make based on those feelings. You should play Deus Ex: Human Revolution regardless, if only to get a glimpse of the gaming glory that is to come in the next decade. I highly recommend it.

This says it all

 

Did you like the review? Agree with it? Hate it? Leave a comment and a rating! Thanks for reading!

Hey! Listen! Episode 001

Sexy logo, eh? Jayson's handiwork :D

Hellloooooo, Grue Crew!

Like that name? Me too!

 

Now that that’s out of the way, I’d like to turn you on to something extra-super-duper-mega special!

Drum roll, please!

 

Innnnntroducccciinnnnnggggguh the Hey! Listen! Show!

Every week at precisely 3pm join Jayson Gegner, Brian Albert, Ben Moore and I on the KRUI Lab as we talk everything video games! Informative, humorous, entertaining, and sensual, Hey! Listen! will gently massage your earlobes one moment and smack you in the face the next!

But if you’re too lame to tune in to KRUI, don’t worry, because I’ve got you covered, folks. Just follow this extremely convenient link and send your aural sensors to paradise.

Hey! Listen! Episode 1

Enjoy :)

 

Dick Jokes and Die Hard References: The Life of a Freelance Games Journalist (via Down.Write.Fierce)

This is an extremely insightful podcast done by some of the best people in the industry. It should be a huge help for anyone aspiring to write about games; I know it’s helped me. Enjoy.

[Download] This debut DownWriteFierce show isn’t anything official. I don’t really know what I’m doing with this feed just yet, but it should be cool. The DWF podcast will be a series of shows about my adventures in “games journalism,” or whatever you prefer to call it. I’ve got some sweet ideas about where to go with it. But, for now, here’s the audio recording from my Penny Arcade Expo 2011 panel “Dick Jokes and Die Hard References: The Life of … Read More

via Down.Write.Fierce

The Sunday Reflection: 8/28/11

Rising Action

Hey, everybody. It’s been an awesome couple weeks for games. First Gamescom and then PAX. It’s too much to take in at one time. Not to mention the release of one of the most anticipated games of the year: Deus Ex: Human Revolution.

Adam Jensen sits down to play Deus Ex for the first time. “Man, if only I were this cool in real life.”

Augment Your Life with Deus Ex

I picked up the Augmented Edition of the game, because I love soundtracks. I wasn’t sure at first, but I think, in the end, it will be worth the money. I’m not going to spoil anything, but the game starts off a little slow, as games are want to do these days. It seems like almost every modern game I sit down to play needs to hold my hand for an hour. I’d like to ask the developers a question, though. Just who are these tutorials supposed to be catering to? Casual gamers are not going to pick up a game like Deus Ex and play it on the hardest difficulty, so why not cut out the crap in the beginning and just include a digital manual inside the game? That would free up a lot of design space and make for a better game overall. Hard-core gamers DO NOT NEED tutorials to figure things out. Within a few minutes of experimenting with the game, they will intuitively discover how to move and what each tab in the menu is for. Anyway, this discussion is really for another article.

DX:HR's take-downs are some of the most satisfying moments in gaming ever.

What really matters is that Deus Ex: Human Revolution is a damn great game. If you have access to a console or suped-up PC, go buy it now. The best version is obviously the PC version, but not just for looks. One of the most annoying parts of the game on the PS3 is that you cannot change the control scheme, and the built-in control scheme is stupid. Why can’t people understand that the FPS layout HAS BEEN DEFINED? It’s set in stone. We’ve already discovered the perfect layout. L is for aiming, R is for shooting. There is no excuse for going against the norm and NOT including alternates. End of rant.

The Rest of the Deluge

I’m swamped by games right now. Every time an enticing sale comes up on GoG or Steam I just have to have it. I even paid six bucks for the Humble Indie Bundle 2 (if you didn’t, you missed out). So, if I can’t finish any games right now, I might as well tell you which ones have my attention at the moment.

Deus Ex is my first priority.

Minecraft is getting updated soon, so I expect I’ll be spending a lot more time on it in the coming month. You can find some new information from PAX about the update here.

The Triforce

I just bought Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor: Overclocked for the 3DS and the game is surprisingly fun. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to utilize the 3D very often, but that’s not such a big deal.

One of the most exciting games on GoG just came out, and that is the legendary Dungeon Keeper 2. It is absolutely a must-play and I was thrilled to buy it for a measly six dollars, DRM-free. Going back to it is like putting on a well-worn, comfortable pair of sneakers.

I also rebought Demon’s Souls, because I just couldn’t live without it anymore. After I finished the game the first time, I didn’t want to play it anymore because I’d seen everything the game had had to offer. Maybe I’m just getting caught up in the excitement of Dark Souls, but I think I want to platinum Demon’s Souls first. I don’t know if I will, but I do know that I’ll greatly enjoy going back to it. It’s definitely my favorite game of this generation and possibly the best action-RPG.

One word. Floss.

In addition, I’m still working my way through Golden Sun: Dark Dawn, which is still charming. I’ve meant to play more Black Ops, but my PS3 is having trouble with the update and I don’t care to spend time messing with it right now.

Finally, I’m still working on Let’s Plays and getting those onto YouTube. I have half of my Donkey Kong Country Let’s Play up already and the first part of my Mega Man X Let’s Play is as well.

Whew. That’s a LOT of games! And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

A Day in the Life

A few readers may know already, but I figured I should tell the rest of you. This week, I’m moving into my first apartment ever in Iowa City. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long, drawn-out ordeal, so I may not be posting much this week. But after this week I will have a LOT more time on my hands to do what I want. A little of that time should boil down to more blog posts.

I should also inform you that I recently acquired a Tumblr account. I like it so far, I just haven’t put too much work into it. Still, if you’re interested, you can find me at Nick Tumbles.

That’s a Wrap

Pretty exciting week, eh? Stay tuned.

Later.

Legend of Grimrock

Check out this new dungeon crawler in development by Almost Human Ltd. It looks to be in the style of the classic Dungeon Master. Expect it to arrive before the end of 2011 on PC and iOS. I’m excited. Still waiting for a spritiual successor to Wizardry 8.

What the SNES Means to Me

Today is a very special day. On this day, twenty years ago, the Super Nintendo Entertainment System hit U.S. store shelves. And the rest is history. No doubt, most of you have fond memories of the system and its amazing library of games. If you didn’t experience the SNES back in the day, you are to be pitied. Grab a friend with the console, find one yourself, or download an emulator. As a gamer, you haven’t lived until you’ve played SNES games, some of the best games of all time.

But you’ll hear all about how great the SNES is this week on countless sites and podcasts. So, instead of wasting your time, I just want to share a little story with you all. It’s the story of how I got my SNES.

Disclaimer: my story is not this epic...it does not have opera

First of all, before the console got into my house, I didn’t want the thing. By the time I was interested in getting something to replace our old NES, around ’96 or ’97, the Super Nintendo had had its day in the sun. Or so I thought. The N64 had just come out and it was all I could think about. Who wanted to play 16-bit, 2D games anymore? I wanted the hot, new thing. I wanted the beauty of the N64′s polygons (which, ironically, are not so beautiful today).

My brother, Sean, though, didn’t. He wanted the good, old SNES. So, when Christmas rolled around, it was a tossup. We had no idea if we’d be getting a new console at all, let alone the one of our choice. But when we woke up Christmas morning there was a large, wrapped box sitting under our tree, in just about the right shape. I can’t remember which one of us tore the paper off first, but I do remember Sean bursting into tears. Can you guess why? I’ll give you a minute…

DISTRACTION!

Sean was upset because he thought we’d gotten something we didn’t. The revealed object was a Super Nintendo, but it was in a misleading box. The second-biggest hit on the platform, Donkey Kong Country, had been bundled with the system, and, when we saw the box, Donkey and Diddy Kong were staring back at us, in full 3D glory. It must have been easy for a six-year-old to make the mistake, but Sean was under the impression that we had gotten an N64. I quickly explained to him that the reality was otherwise, that he had gotten what he wanted, but I’ll always retain that moment in my mind, when Nintendo’s sly marketing scheme almost ruined Christmas.

The object of my obsession

Having just averted disaster, we proceeded to play the SNES nonstop. In all honesty, I was bummed the N64 hadn’t arrived, but, hey, a new system is a new system. And I became enamored with Donkey Kong Country. For the next few months, it was my first priority. We got new games and played the heck out of them too, but DK Country would always be a thorn in the back of my mind. I was never able to conquer it until much later, just this year, in fact. And, to be frank, I cheated. But it was worth it to see the credits roll by, at long last. DK Country will always be one of my favorite games, and I’ve spent a ton of quality time with it.

*the first part of my Let’s Play of Donkey Kong Country, fully annotated for your viewing pleasure*

Over several years, we amassed a humble amount of games for the system and eventually sold everything off in order to upgrade. After all, the SNES is extremely easy to emulate and ROMs are just as easy to find. So why keep the system? Well, in retrospect, I wish we had kept everything. Money comes and goes, but great memories are forged in singular moments. And it’s nice to have the objects to go with the memories.

But I’m not too choked up about it. I still go back and play SNES games often, and there are many I have yet to experience. I suspect the same is true of you. So, this week, I challenge you to play ONE Super Nintendo game you’ve never played before, as well as go back to your favorite Super Nintendo game for a little while. I know you won’t regret it.

And if you think the SNES is completely dead, then have I got news for you. Hyperkin, the makers of many retro devices, are putting out a new handheld SNES, christened the SupaBoy, later this year for a price of just $80. As well as being able to play all SNES games, the handheld will have two SNES controller ports and you’ll be able to play it on your television.

The SupaBoy is supa fly!

Even with the unusually incredible lineup of modern games coming down the pike this year, I’m more excited about the SupaBoy than anything else. I can’t imagine anything better than being able to play the original version of Final Fantasy 6 or Chrono Trigger on the go. There’s just something about the thought of playing on the bus with a huge cartridge sticking half-way out of an enormous handheld retro game system that makes me grin. I’m interested to see if Super Game Boy will be supported; I wouldn’t mind an excuse to go back and play Pokemon Blue in full color.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for today, folks. I hope you learned and laughed a little. Please rate and comment to your heart’s desire. I may be publishing some more SNES related content this week, we’ll see. Until next time, may you know the joy of walking a familiar neighborhood.